It is never too late to tell

Reporting abuse is not a decision that can be made easily. The majority of victims of historic abuse think about it for many years.  There are many factors that can prevent a person from reporting:

• Fear of what you may be asked
• Fear of not being believed
• Fear of how your own lifestyle will be perceived
• Fear of what will happen to your children/Loved ones
• Fear of repercussions from the offender and their family members
• Fear of how your family members will react - fear that it may make them ill, especially if you have elderly relatives
•  Fear of re-surfacing the pain

Fear is entirely normal. The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear, is fear of the unknown.

Believing you have a voice is paramount and knowing that people will believe you and not judge you will help you to make the right decision for you and your family.

The truth is that you survived the abuse first hand, and therefore having survived that, telling your story is never going to be as painful as living it in the first place.  You have choices, and you are no longer the small defenceless child that cannot defend themselves. 

Your abuser probably placed overwhelming pressure on you to keep the abuse a secret. You might have experienced threats or emotional blackmail that still concern you to this day. Predatory abusers groom their victims into silence by making them fear that they are doing the wrong, and not vice versa. This is a key factor of why victims of abuse keep the silence and protect their abusers. They are convinced, due to years of grooming, that they are the ones who will be hurting everybody, including their abusers.

Many survivors tell us how their abuser threatened to hurt a loved one or break up the family unit if they told. The fear of not seeing their mother/siblings etc. again was a very real concern. A child should never have to carry that burden and neither should an adult who wants to finally ‘break the silence’.

Breaking the Silence

Is it easy to do?  Of course not, but it will be easier than you initially thought it would be. Saying those crucial words “I was abused” is undeniably brave. It is the very words that will release you from your past and break the secret that has haunted you for so long. But with those words, comes hope for a brighter future and for some, closure on a part of their life that has kept them trapped within their childhood.

Breaking the silence does not mean that you must seek justice through the courts. This is always your choice and no one should pressure you into prosecuting your abuser. However, if this is something that you want to explore, our Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA) can discuss with you the criminal justice process in a safe and confidential environment; making sure you have all the information you need to make an informed decision.  

You do not have to report to the police in the first instance. You can speak to an ISVA and make a decision thereafter. No pressure will be placed on you. You will always be in control of your decision making.

Remember, you are not alone. Though you may feel overwhelmed by the challenge ahead, we walk every step of the journey with you. Breaking the Silence need not be a lonely-struggle.

Call an ISVA on 08458 12-12-12 or email admin@twelvescompany.co.uk